THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
