I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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