Can i not drive my cunt home
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
