hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
