so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
