I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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