i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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