I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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