I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
