you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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