Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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