I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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