I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
