i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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