Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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