I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
