lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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