Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
