Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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