im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
