It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
