Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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