Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
