whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
