I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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