I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
