I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
