i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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