Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
