I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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