Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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