It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
