I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
