Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
