Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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