He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
