Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Let's get the cat blown out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
