Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
