i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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