Your face is a jimmy john
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
