My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
