I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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