Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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