and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
