Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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