so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
