he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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