Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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