you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
