just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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