there's paper in my vomit.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
